The Secret of Thinking Like a Queen
You are what you feed your mind. Simple as that. And if your thinking is screwy, it is easy to fix. But only if you want to do the work to ferret out the type of "food" you are serving up.
Every day - every MINUTE - you are subconsciously feeding your thought patterns. Here are some ways to clean up your thought diet and begin thinking like a Queen.
YOUR THINKING NEEDS A NEW MENU
Let's talk about your brain diet, okay?
We all love an appetizer from time to time. For the purpose of our conversation today, your past, with its experiences are the appetizer.
The main course is a plate filled with a variety of treats you feed your brain each day.
And dessert? Well, my Queen...dessert is your interpretation of events.
READY FOR A THINKING APPETIZER?
You don't have any control over what happened in your past. It's gone. It's over. Or, is it?
Your past experiences color your primary actions of today. And just like an appetizer at your favorite restaurant, those subconscious cues prepare you to react and respond in certain ways.
For instance, Boomer-era women raised by Depression-era parents were fed some pretty dismal money messages. Mine sent out the message loud and clear, "Money is hard to come by." The hidden message I carried for years was, "It's hard to make money."
For example, have you heard, "Money doesn't grow on trees."? Or, how about this, "Don't waste your money on foolishness."? As a result, it was hard for me to enjoy vacations and excursions, unless I could find a higher purpose for them. Rather than celebrating when I complete a big project, I'm more likely to set my attention to the next goal. Are you like that? Do you know anyone like that?
As a consequence, early Gen-Xers who decide to throw off those bonds and spend, spend, spend. Ears in debt, surrounded by the best they could charge, Millenialists are more conservative in spending. Yet, because they grew up in a digital age, they want instant gratification. A tricky combination.
As a Work from Home Queen, it is important to look to the past to find out how it informs your current behaviors.
What are the messages you learned about money, entrepreneurship, and success?
I'M READY FOR THE MAIN COURSE
What is your favorite movie? How about tv show? What's your favorite song on your playlist?
What do you read on social media or in the news? Who are the people you read or quote? What are the lives of your favorite celebrity like?
Each one of these menu items feeds your perspective on what life should look like.
One of the most powerful lessons I have learned is that the brain cannot tell the difference between what it sees virtually and what is happening in reality. It's why you cry when you watch a sad movie, and flinch when the monster shows up around the corner.
Now, I'm not suggesting you shouldn't watch, listen to, or read your favorites. But, it's kind of like a constant diet of fried foods and candy. While it might be a bit tasty, the end result is heart disease and insulin resistance.
A mind fed a consistent diet of chaos, sadness, fear, intrigue or violence, alters our general outlook. Without really meaning to do so, we create a filter of those same emotions all of our daily experiences have to flow through.
Here's a quick little test for you. The next time you are listening to music or watching a video, key in on how you are FEELING at the moment.
Instead of feeding your brain a dose of blues next time you wake up feeling down, pop in some upbeat hopeful music. Instead of grabbing a pint of mint chocolate chip and box-of-tissues sad movie when your launch flops, watch a Hero-Wins- Every-Time kind of movie.
INTERPRETATION - THE CURE FOR STINKIN' THINKING
Let's get real. We don't always interpret the circumstances around us in the most balanced way. And, this is the place where we can get into a lot of trouble.
For instance, I have a friend who had a habit of sending emails in all caps. And, that's INTERPRETED as an aggressive style in written communication. She did it because it was easier. Yet, people got mad, thinking she was "yelling" at them. Poor interpretation. A friend mentioned this to her, and as a result, she changed the habit.
As a third-person observer, I'm sure you've witnessed this more than once. You watch a group of people interacting, and can't understand why person A is so mad at person B. It's all in the interpretation. It's the background, and the expectation that carry the weight.
I love this saying, "Your family knows how to push your buttons, because they are the ones who installed them." If you've ever had a family dinner, you know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, you may agonize for weeks before the actual dinner, worried about what he or she will say and how you will respond. You are on high alert for button pushing!
"Your family knows how to push your buttons because they are the ones who installed them."
Because of past experience, expectations run high. If we've had a difficult relationship with a family member, we tend to interpret every sentence as a cloaked message of dislike, disapproval or downright nastiness. But, like this fun video clip shows, we're all stuck in our own heads...
pssst...you can click on the black banner in this video and get rid of it...
So, why do I say Interpretation is the cure for bad thinking? Well, it's like this...if you understand you are predisposed to a certain frame of mind - you can catch yourself before it takes over. And, as funny as this little clip is, we do have power over our responses and reactions - even if we do fill like someone else is controlling the levers.
The next time you find yourself down a rabbit hole of preconceived ideas and automatic responses, take a step back and ask yourself if you are responding according to the the actual circumstances. Or rather, are you responding to a preconceived interpretation of the events.
THE ROYAL ROAD
The Queen always takes the high road. That is, give people the benefit of the doubt. Give them a chance to prove you RIGHT rather than prove you WRONG. And, give yourself the chance to prove your past wrong, too.
It is so much easier to build a successful business when you anticipate the good. Finally, YOU are the one in charge of what goes INTO your mind. Lastly, YOU can get charge of what goes INSIDE your mind. You aren't a prisoner of the past.
So, let's recap: